Heron block progress

To contend with election night jitters, I found myself carving with fury. There are parts of this block that have intimidated me but I took a breath and just accepted the time it will take to address the minutia that this piece requires. Every piece, actually. Birds are of course great symbols of freedom, so working on this last night was somewhat therapeutic for me. And while I was afraid to hope my candidate would actually win this race, (he did) because for the past 8 years my candidate did not win, I also felt keenly a personal fight for freedom that I have been involved in on behalf of my oldest son. Sometimes bureaucracy can hurt children in the name of helping them, and I've been torn up about the situation. Carving can be very cathartic.

There is only one other block besides this one, so I should be moving relatively soon toward printing, something I have not done in about a year.

early evening on the road

I've been fixated on some views from I-5, reinforced by a multitude of trips north to Portland. Usually I did not have my camera in tow, but the impact of the moments that tended to repeat themselves remain etched in my psyche; in particular, the constructions of humans and how they dominate the landscape along the I-5 corridor I traveled. I have a few more persistent sights in my mind that I plan to carry out somehow, although I'm not sure how or when...

Yesterday my package from McClain's arrived with a few more boards and the much prized and missed honing compound. Yeah! Carving time tonight, for sure!

A new day!

I started carving last week, a simple 2-block woodblock print. The bad news is that I have misplaced my honing compound, so I cannot sharpen my knives until the new stuff comes or the old turns up. Should only be a day or two though, as McClain's is just up the road a ways.

Since I have to wait, and because it has been on my mind, I decided to pull out an old painting I worked on but did not finish in 2006. I spent some time with my son Cy teaching him about painting today, and while he worked on his, I worked on mine again too:


Painting is an astonishingly peaceful activity. At least it can be, but for me some of this painting became so frustrating and there were decisions to be made that overwhelmed me, so I just set it aside until I felt ready to work on it again. Two years later, I'm ready for it, enjoyed it and will paint some more, for sure!

Heron

Last evening I was north again, picking up and doing paperwork for my current job. There is a beautiful pond nearby, a wetlands refuge that is the home for several birds. I have parked next to this pond (okay Cyrus says it's a lake) through the summer at times, snacking on a bit of food from a nearby strip mall before my drive back south. Last night Cy really needed some food, so we grabbed some Asian fare and parked in the empty lot to watch the birds at dusk. I turned off the motor and saw to my great delight this beautiful blue heron, just a few feet away. It stood quietly and peacefully for a good while before it had enough of me snapping photos of it. I wish I had a stronger lens, but I'm grateful to have been there at all.

This pond is very close to where I work when I drive north. As I sat there enjoying some food and enjoying the view, it felt symbolic that I witness this stunning sight at dusk this time, what with the days becoming so much shorter. It is change time. My boss and friend is interviewing 3 people today in an effort to find someone to replace me. I have mixed feelings of guilt, worry, relief and excitement. Change of a certain type is inevitable though, we all know that.

Making my way back.

To begin this renewed turn of my life, I sought some oxygen to give me strength. In that vein, the other day Cyrus and I went out to the Ankeny Wildlife Refuge near my home. It was a beautiful afternoon and although we could only view a few birds from the viewing areas, it was inspiring nonetheless. The wetlands are dry in many places right now, but still there were a few of my favorites out there - egrets and herons. I so love the birds. Love them so much that I decided to make my first return to woodblock about them. To me, birds are sacred creatures and getting to know them personally over the past few years has been an honor. I now have 6 in my family, and it's been a delight to come to understand them. The egrets and the herons though, they always take my breath away when I see them in the wild. Yesterday I even saw a great blue heron as I left Portland, car carrying another plastic case filled with paperwork I will soon leave behind. That bird was standing in a large patch of manicured grass at the junction of I-205 and I-5. It's such a hopeful sight to me when I see wildlife survive among the structures of human dominance. So just for pleasure and in the name of hope, I've begun work toward a new print:

All I can do is try.

I finished the Obstacles shawl! Cy loves it. I made it for me, actually, but he has taken a liking to it, especially to ward off the inevitable morning chill.

180º

I really needed that break, I really did. This period of reflection has been absolutely necessary for me to survive because mentally I've not been doing well. I've been called a Square Peg more than once in my life, and through this time of reflection I've realized that once again that is the problem. I am undergoing a personal restructuring of my priorities and life and will be coming back to this blog very shortly with a renewed permission to view and enjoy and experience things as I see fit, with no requirement to address things in such a way that it asks me to be critical of everything I do or what humanity does at all times. That attitude is just crippling for me. Nope, I have felt a turn, taken a sip from a goblet of hope that will maybe give me just the permission I need to enjoy this life as I have it. I am not an ambassador, a 24/7 caregiver, or a grunt piece to enable someone else's dream to come true. I was raised with the belief that I am entitled to live my own dream while remaining true to my personal responsibilities.

More to come and soon, I'm glad to say.

Taking a break

I'm needing to step away from this public blogging thing for a bit. Meanwhile I'm working, caring for my family and home and reflecting on the necessity of an artist's voice in the massive sea of this civilization. How much of what we are driven to share as artists, is really just another iteration of a person's desire for fame and attention? Just thinking about these things. I've put my camera away for a while, my knives have been set aside for over a year now in woodblock printing, and I'm just reflecting about things on a personal level. I'm knitting, and thinking just, you know... thinking about things.