A long but compelling video about farming and oil.

Ah. So everybody is freaking out. It's not just me.

My husband dug up some of the back yard today, the boys helped and shoveled wheel barrows of mulch. Our neighborhood may be abandoned during the day, but my yard will be growing vegetables I guess. I'm not adept at vegetable gardening, but this year it is being asked of me.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123689292159011723.html?mod=loomia&loomia_si=t0:a16:g4:r3:c0:b0

There must be something better.

Today is a day when I am more seriously considering returning my youngest son back to public school, a school where there are bullies and a rougher population than the one I grew up with. We are so isolated, and I am not in a place to educate him like he needs, but we have no other alternative than the neighborhood school. I flashed back on memories about my own school experiences when my husband mentioned to me today that another stellar student from my alma mater won the Intel Science Talent Search. My high school was/is an excellent one, but the local system here is quite mediocre and we don't have the resources to enrich our childrens' education much more than the basics. Yesterday my older son won 5th place in the district spelling bee, and I am proud of him, but there are no funds to send anyone to the state level. I am trying to be thankful for what we do have.

Tonight I'm reading about trying to find my place. Evening is a friend to me, but then morning comes and once again I face the emptiness of the day. I must find a way to make life more meaningful, filled with kindness and less fear. I am a rare kind around here though - someone who is without a job over 18 and under 65, although unemployment in this county is over 10%. Somehow I must find my way. To focus on the Orlov predictions is just too nihilistic, even if it does seem true. Now I must get through the overwhelming view I've had lately of seeing people as an invasive species oblivious to our temporary state in our flesh-shells. Perhaps it is because of my lack of sense of connection with people?