Memorial Day

I've been living my life humbly over the last several days since my last post. Who am I to think this is a good place to say what I think. I'm just a human among millions and millions, and really, I am thinking my focus on caring for my children and living my day here in Oregon is maybe a better way for me to think than to stay in CyberVille, as though I have a relationship with it. I have one relationship through cyberspace that is a real one, everything else is just a kind of controlled TV fare or reading the news. I do like getting my information so freely. That is a luxury. And it is these luxuries that this day brings to mind for me.

I watched a presentation this morning on MSNBC about Iraq veterans. One guy had been a sniper for the marines there and had astonishing things to say and insights about life here and there. He was 22 in the story and had already served & came back skinny and exhausted. Here, in this country he said, killing one person would be considered a crime that could give you life in prison. There he deliberately killed hundreds. Aimed and fired and hit. And what he said is that it came to where if it were a man, he'd hoped the guy had remembered to say he loved his child before he left home that day; that kind of thing. My dad is a veteran and I'm afraid to go see him. He's in such awful shape that it tears me up and I don't have the strength to do what I'm supposed to do and yet endure seeing him that way. He fought in WWII and told me he was a sharp-shooter for the army, went ahead of troops shooting snipers out of the trees in the Pacific. He was unloaded onto a beach with a couple of hundred other men and was one of 8 who survived once the Japanese surrendered. What kind of species are we? And now we are sending a unit to land on Mars. I'm not sure what to make of any of this. My son picks at his skin. Primate. We are primates living on this spinning blue orb. We went to Portland & visited OMSI on Saturday and the kids loved it. I was taken even then by the organic quality of it all. The existential aspect of our humanness. In Portland, there are tons of us humans, maneuvering all around in our little metal cars. It just seems really bizarre to me these days. I think maybe I should have been a dog.

When we left OMSI, off we went to IKEA, another warehouse marketing machine. I'd never been to IKEA and my husband thought it was the greatest thing. Me, I like a small shop owned by a local family or something. But we got a mattress for me and that was nice, because I've been sleeping on a foam pad on the floor for a couple of weeks now since my youngest son started sleeping on the couch instead of me. The IKEA in Portland is next to the airport, and we could look up and see jets directly overhead, see the glowing windows of the passenger area, as it was dusk. There was a huge gray cloud coming in from the south and by the time we left IKEA it was beginning to rain. My husband wanted to drive out onto Marine Drive and watch the airplanes land and take off. It's directly next to the Columbia river, so I get a bit nervous riding along at a good clip so close to that huge river so close it would swallow you if you got knocked into it, or drove off the road. I mentioned, as lightening began to flash, that often flights are delayed until severe storms like this pass. Oh, my husband said. Oh yeah. We watched two jets land, and it was raining hard by the second one. No airplanes were budging from their docks. The rain became torrential and we left. I rode quiet while my husband drove slow, visibility was really bad all I could think of was the fact that we were skirting the huge Columbia River and maybe there would be a flash flood. The rain continued and as we drove back south there were huge waterfalls splashing down onto the roadside all the way to I-5, gathering into a small river instead of a roadside. I was glad to get home.

Meanwhile I'm reading that gas is going to go up again. I can't help but wonder about how we will pay for everything then. Humanity really baffles me. Our societal interdependence may have launched us into an unprecedented period of wealth, as I can't imagine having to live in a culture of violence where we must compete for resources so directly, but like other aspects of behavior on this earth, it is probably fleeting. Yes it's a downer, but gosh. It's what is coming into my ears and eyes and head.

You know what I'm doing about my time then? Nope, not drinking a brandy. Not anymore. I'm knitting my friend Cherry Blossom her *third* yes third sock. The first I had to rip out. The second is *huge* around the ankle and ridiculous. I studied the pattern and others with similar heels and decided the pattern is faulty, heel too deep. I'm about ready to start the heel again on this 3rd sock and I'm hoping it will be better. But when I finished the 2nd sock, all I could do was laugh and laugh. It looked so ridiculous even though I had put in hours on the thing.

Life would be easier I think if I could just think about fashion or believe that somehow my words matter, but in the larger view of things, my words don't matter. So I guess I will focus on this littler view and take in what's good about it. Like my kids and my Saint Bernards.

Dogwood in full bloom

I do so love the beauty of spring. Our dogwood tree has even attracted a Western Tanager we saw yesterday. It was absolutely breathtaking.
You can see that the GuageZilla Deep Sea Monster fits Dave *almost*. I have to wash it yet and if I beg it to dry gently in the dryer as indicated on the label, maybe I'll get lucky and it will shrink just right.

Meanwhile I'm trying to get some fun color without fancy stitchery, just a simple little sock for a friend of mine, Cherry Blossom, who is Japanese. I'm really liking the colors and should finish it by tonight or tomorrow. The pattern is called "Sparrow" from the new Jane Ellison book called "Joy". The color looks like a beautiful bird.


Edit: FYI: the gauge issue is so far out in Village Ridiculous that I can't yet post an update on this sock. So funny I laughed till I cried. Update to come. LBZ

It'll have to be for Dave.

It was a triumphant moment, peppered with requests as usual that I tear away and a) let in the dog and b) check out the boys' TTD (Total Techno Domination) surgery log from their latest victim, a stuffed tiger (they don't actually tear the thing apart, so there's that) and c) deal with the cat who suddenly began wiping itself all over my leg. But the victory? The victory is this:

Sometimes when that which freaks a gal out, sure it's something really hard to do, it's a bit menacing to head into the heart of that something and... do it. I'm referring to the toe of this sock. This huge sock that there is no way I would even wear it for bed. Looks a bit.. bunchy, doesn't it. That's because it's made for a foot several sizes larger than mine. I thought I measured my foot according to the pattern, but apparently I didn't. I am hoping nobody even dare say the word, that "g" word (okay - gauge) to me regarding this. At least it isn't pink and I don't/won't have to frog it so it can be used. Blue is a good guy color. Meanwhile I will loyally knit the second sock and be done with it. I will then officially have knit my first pair of socks and that will make me, in the world of knitters, a true sock knitter. I do like the portability of these. Certainly they are quicker to knit than a shawl or a massive thing like the Juliet I finished (and refuse to wear because it itches) over the winter. Besides, they do have a menacing quality that hadn't occurred to me before I took my son Digs to get his eyeglasses. All those little sticks with pointy ends freak people out. People are less apt to mess with you if you're knitting socks.

On a happy note, the weather is beautiful. I have no headache. I have plenty to do (of course) and nobody has been angry or intense or anything today. Peaceful days are to be treasured.

Sweet, sweet spring.

I had a bit of time to myself over the weekend. It wasn't much really, mostly I spent it cleaning, regrouting my bathtub, and took an unexpected trip out to see my brother and family. The weekend seems like yesterday! And speaking of yesterday, it was so lovely. The sun was shining so gently on the apple blossoms in our back yard. An extra privilege was seeing the little finches that were flitting about. They never stay long, as we have too many cats (want a cat?) or maybe they just are migrating further north. It was enjoyable anyway.

I drove up to Portland besides and had a great sense of peace. All was good. Nothing could push me off my path. I even saw a blue heron on the side of I-5, a sight I always regard as a breathtaking moment, but I do get to see at least a few sightings of them each year. I had a good day surrounding my job for the most part, no sense of the Farley Show hair-pulling self-flagellation. I celebrated by winding my way over to Twisted, a yarn shop in NE Portland. Very nice, not snobby, knowledgeable and open late enough for me to get there. I am hoping the book I bought on edgings will help me solve the problem of little Hannah's baby pants. I indulged on a few skeins of yarn, too. I wanted happy yarn, so I bought some colorful Noro Taiyo to make a Jane Ellison "waistcoat" pattern I have and some more sock yarn.

Today is a different day, and a person can't expect a blissful sense of invincibility to last forever. It is overcast today, I had a migraine (oh am I thankful for the miracle drug, Maxalt) and somebody nearby is rototilling or something because I've been hearing that machine go and go for a very long time today, so sitting outside to enjoy the moderate temperatures is out. I think I am unusually sensitive to sounds. On a happy note, I'm almost done with my Sock de la Mer. The bad news about that one is that it is too big. I'll wear it as a pair of bedsocks or something, because I'm just about going insane not to have a finished knit project. I'm hoping to finish little Hannah's pants this weekend. Once I find the right edging, it shouldn't take long.

A lake by the Expo Center

A sign said, "VanPort". It was by the Portland Expo Center. I took this photo when I was leaving the Pet Fair almost two weeks ago. From where I took this photo of the beautiful lake surrounded with hundreds of bursting cat tails, there was the inescapable din of race cars at the Portland International Raceway. Cranky ol' me, I never have understood car racing, or horse racing either for that matter.

Sock de la Wreck de la...

I'm knitting myself a pair of socks. Yep, a pair fer me. How's that for selfish, eh? I am selfish, I really am. Not because of the socks, but for a variety of reasons. It's hard to be human. I'm not as selfish as Bush, at least I like to think that.

It's been a busy few days. I bought some new glasses for my son Digs, some sandals for my oldest son and guiltily bought some very nice sandals (Birks) for myself. When things get bad, I either work hard on my house, my yard or my job. Sometimes though, I end up putting a band-aid on myself with a shoe purchase.

Reality: the bitterness isn't fading one bit. I really rears up on Wednesdays when I spend some time at a church where the boys have their language instruction. Oh well, we face self-congratulating superficially innocent human behavior every single day, whether it is under the guise of religion or what have you. It really is rotten, isn't it, that we are not perfect. Just some people don't even try to have insight into their imperfections. No humility, you know. It's the wielding of the religious message with the lack of humility that just slays me.

So did ja catch the most recent Colbert Report episodes? I sure love that show. I watched a few Daily Shows and honestly from the few I've seen, Jon Stewart seems a bit fixated on male sex organs while making poignant observations about politics. Oh well. Florida will never look like a male organ to me. I like my mental picture of it being more like the Everglades, even if it's delusional. I'm entitled to my pleasures, especially when I'm 3000 miles away from that delusion. Sure I am.

Well on to knitting. I've been working on Sock de la Mer by Anne Hanson of Knitspot. I've done a proper ream job on the pattern, and I'm going forward anyway because I'm sick of going backwards. The sock is for me anyway, and I want so badly to finish a pair of socks. Finish SOMETHING. I spent two hours ripping and knitting and ripping lace edging on Hannah's pants. Maybe tomorrow in Portland I'll have the chance to stop by a shop that has some good washable merino I can add on as a lighter weight yarn, as the dk weight I'm using just is way too chunky. Oh the troubles. I think probably I'd just best knit a lace edging and sew it on. I don't want to do that though... By the time I'm done with the pants, poor Hannah will be in first grade at this rate.

Oh I must get the strange carrot mash of desperation off my face!

Pancake lives up to her name

Poor gal. Her feathers are growing out everywhere except the top of her head, where she is getting pecked. It's Belle's fault. She's the bully I do think, and it's happening in the morning when they get all riled up to go outside, trapped in their cage. Perhaps it's time to rig up a new parking spot for Belle at night.

The weather is stunning today. I took a few photos of our little patch of land that we're responsible for right now anyway, and thought I'd share. Here's the patch under the pine tree in the front. It's been years I've tried to get something to grow there, and finally the St. John's Wort has filled in, along with that other stuff with the variegated leaf pattern. Rocks work well too. There used to be bark-o-mulch there and up came some kind of bulb that I am terribly allergic to.


We're putting up a little open slat fence across our front yard. Here's what Dave has done on it so far:

The posts are not aligned with one another (grr) but once the slats are up it hopefully will not be that noticeable.

I could not resist yet another pic of my favorite tulips: